... 10 months ...

Assalamualaikum,

Remembering back few years ago when I first started my personal blog. I was in my Uni years *i think* Sometimes I post sad stories and sometimes happy ones.. well- we all do. This entry will be a mix of both.

I have been keeping a secret from everyone the past few month(s). I was pregnant. It was unexpected but alhamdulillah for giving me the chance to conceive again... eventhough Baby.I was just 7 mths back then. Lots of things came into my mind masa atu, can I cope menjaga two little ones at one time, Baby.I and the new bub? Anxious too! Hoping this time around it will be a girl... but all that is left is just hope.This somehow made me realise, nothing in the world lasts forever. Allah may give you something but He may also want to take it back whenever He wishes to. Aku redha dengan ketentuanMu ya Allah.....

Last Saturday, exactly 11.30pm I had a miscarriage. I can feel it coming plg sudah because I was on a fever (39+) since Wednesday. I couldn't get up... can barely walk, my head feels sooo..hmmm~ how to say yea... sakit lah basically~  Friday had my spotting, nervous cos I've seen this before (my 1st pregnancy fyi) and the ending is not what everyone would ever want. I went quiet the whole day, hubby brought me up to ER and I got myself admitted. Bleeding went on and heavier till Saturday afternoon when I actually start to feel the contraction... ya Allah, it was an emotional moment. I was in pain, visiting hours was still few hours away, I want my husband to be there, I miss Baby.I, I'm scared that I'm gonna lose my little one, I'll be experiencing D&C... I felt so helpless. I have never felt that way before and since I was put in an isolation room due to my fever, I cried. 

I was abit calm when hubs came and told him that there's no hope lagi, it will happen... and it did at 11.30pm (again I was alone with just the nurses around) around that time inda lagi terasa any contractions but just feeling of wanting to go to the restroom and then, there it went into the toilet bowl (good thing I didn't flush). The baby was still a size of a little kitten... *damiiitnyaaaa* sad and sakai I was at the same time when the nurse showed me my baby and placenta... kesian lah usulnya... The doctor oncall that night did a scan and there were pieces of my placenta still left inside my uterus hence, last Sunday. I had a D&C. First time to be given anaesthetic, first time entering and O&T .... feeling is not that scary at all... Alhamdulillah~ The procedure went well and boy, was I sleepy the whole day! *lol*

Alhamdulillah, maybe Allah has His reason for all of this. Setiap apa yang berlaku mesti ada hikmah disebaliknya. Maybe Baby.I is not ready to share our love and attentions... just maybe. Insya-Allah, another rezeki will come, maybe in a different form... wallahuwa'lam.

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On another note, TODAY is Baby.I's 10 month's!!!! Two more months til he's ONE!!! Mummy is all excited because she has something planned for Baby.I and the family in November.  Can't wait!! So far he's two pair of teeth, a pair di atas and a pair di bawah.... he babbles a lot and abis semua kan digigitnya! *lol* He can get himself up to a standing position by himself and is now learning to make tiny steps (with support ofcourse) ... adoooorable!!!

HAPPY 10 MONTHS SAYANG ....... MAMA & BABAH LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!! 

GROW UP WELL AND GROW UP STRONG.